This is the entertaining biography of Edward VII and his playboy lifestyle, by Stephen Clarke, author of 1000 Years of Annoying the French and A Year in the Merde. Despite fierce opposition from his mother, Queen Victoria, Edward VII was always passionately in love with France. He had affairs with the most famous Parisian actresses, courtesans and can-can dancers. He spoke French more elegantly than English. He was the first ever guest to climb the Eiffel Tower with Gustave Eiffel. He turned his French seduction skills into the diplomatic prowess that sealed the Entente Cordiale. A quintessentially English king? Pas du tout! Stephen Clarke argues that as 'Dirty Bertie', Edward learned all the essentials in life from the French.

Englishman Paul West is living the Parisian dream, and doing his best not to annoy the French. But recently things have been going tres wrong: He's stuck in an apartment so small that he has to cut his baguettes in two to fit them in the kitchen. His research into authentic French cuisine is about to cause a national strike — and it could be all his fault. His Parisian business partner is determined to close their tea-room. And thinks that sexually harrassing his female employees is a basic human right. And Paul's gorgeous ex-girlfriend seems to be stalking him. Threatened with eviction, unemployment and bankrupcy, Paul realises that his personal merde factor is about to hit the fan...

Paris — one of the most visited cities in the world. But do you know... Which is the most romantic spot to say 'je't'aime'? And the sexiest? Where to see fantastic art, away from all the crowds? Why Parisian men feel compelled to pee in the street? How to choose a hotel room where you might actually get a good night's sleep? Stephen Clarke goes behind the scenes to reveal everything Parisians know about their city — but don't want to tell you.

The Englishman — Paul West is in deep financial merde and has taken on a decidedly dodgy job touring America in a Mini. The Frenchwoman — Alexa, his très Parisienne girlfriend, claims to despise everything American, but ends up getting a little too friendly with the locals for Paul's liking. The American — Jake is a poet whose main aim in life is to sleep with a woman from every country in the world. Preferably in the back of Paul's Mini. As the little car battles from New York to Miami and then heads west, leg room turns out to be the least of Paul's troubles. His work is being sabotaged; his love-life has become a Franco-American war zone; and as Paul knows better than anyone, when you mix love and war — merde happens ...

Paul West, a young Englishman, arrives in Paris to start a new job — and finds out what the French are really like. They do eat a lot of cheese, some of which smells like pigs' droppings. They don't wash their armpits with garlic soap. Going on strike really is the second national participation sport after pétanque. And, yes, they do use suppositories.In his first novel, Stephen Clarke gives a laugh-out-loud account of the pleasures and perils of being a Brit in France. Less quaint than A Year in Provence, less chocolatey than Chocolat, A Year in the Merde will tell you how to get served by the grumpiest Parisian waiter; how to make perfect vinaigrette every time; how to make amour — not war; and how not to buy a house in the French countryside.